Cut
by kingofsteves17
Summary: Abuse is common in her family. The only getaway to keep her sane is her violin and she never plays for anyone, well, if you count her only friend. Her handsomely intelligent English professor is interested in why she chose the violin and has had an interesting life for the past 5 years. And he aims to make her leave if it's the last thing he does with his career on the line. Narkik
1. Chapter 1

All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi, I just wrote the story. Hope you enjoy, and reviews are greatly accepted.

* * *

It's suffocating, being here. It feels like I'm being ambushed; like the walls are closing in on itself and entrapping me in the darkness. It's haunting, crippling, yet painless at the same time. All I hear are the noises, echoing around me, taunting me. I try to ignore but alas I cannot; the razor sitting mere inches from my hand is calling out to me, whispering at me to use it, slice wherever need be. I shake my head, knowing that if I listen, it'll be my own demise, at my own hands. I submit.

 _One cut._

The days pass and being here only furthers to eradicate my mind. I try to leave, this place called home. My mother won't allow me, saying if I leave the house that has protected me all these years I will be brainwashed and tortured. She has not realized yet that _she_ , in fact, is the one brainwashing and torturing me. Her and her husband. Her own methods are not horrible, one would say, but to me they are. Years of enduring this will have an effect such as thus, the mental and physical scarring maiming me as if I were a doll.

I escape her to cope with the only thing that has kept me sane throughout the years I've stayed alive, miraculously. My violin. Mother was nicer to me back when I was small, a wee 5 year old. She herself played to keep me from crying in the middle of the night, knowing it would calm me down even from the littlest of terrors. I rejoice in the memories of what we once were. A family. A family of two, living peacefully in the suburbs, not a single act of violence came to be. Until my step dad arrived, when I was 6, and ruined everything. But I will save that for another day.

I've played almost nonstop ever since I was taught, so I'm counting 15 years, up until this point. I played when my step dad abused me, I played when mother yelled and cursed at me for hours on end. I played when the kids at school bullied me and said I was a freak for liking archery and the violin. I played when I had thoughts of hurting myself. I played instead of crying myself to sleep since I knew it would be fruitless.

They don't know. They will never know how or why the violin means so much to me. It represents what I used to have, what I still want, and what I yearn for. My teachers all said I would go far when I played for them, said that a career as a musician was calling my name. I had actually smiled at that, my first real smile since I was 6. I know, it's hard to imagine, but it's true. And they told me that at my middle school graduation ceremony. It meant so much to me, and thinking back to how I was going to quit, I'm proud of myself for not going through with that.

Now, I'm in college. A sophomore, to be exact. A big surprise, right? Everyone here seems nice, but I've only spoke to about maybe, 10 people in all that I've been here? They call me shy and an introvert, but I call them mindless and half witted. They do not know me, and will never know me. I keep to myself.

There has been one person that has tried to inch himself into my little bubble, but I have refused him many times. He's brash, empty headed at times, and stubborn, but I've come to think that he acts like that because he is lonely, just as I. He sits with me at lunch almost every day, calls to me to say hello each time he passes me in the hall or when we are going home, yet I choose to ignore him. Maybe one day I'll acknowledge him. Maybe one day I'll step outside of myself to see the world for what it truly is, but today is not that day.

The one pestering question he continues to ask me, relentlessly, is about my violin that I keep with me almost everywhere that I go. I mentally berate myself for even contemplating on answering him, but succumb and do so anyways. He looked at me with this look of admiration, and it startled me. To think someone was interested in what I had to say, and not bash on my every thought, is something in of itself. I gave in slightly, and soon began to talk to him for the first time, for the whole lunch period until the chirping of the bell sounded, signaling for us to head to class. I finally give him my name, to which he replies,

"It's nice to finally hear your name. It's really nice. Mine is Inuyasha. Let's meet here again tomorrow."

A new day passes, and another, and soon Inuyasha begs for me to play the violin for him after we get done studying for our midterms. I casually roll my eyes at his puppy dog look and the batting of his eyelashes and proceed to take out my violin from its case. I settle down in the chair opposite from him and begin to play. A soothing melody, a song I learned just recently, a violin solo from Schindler's List. Quite beautiful, I just do not think I have it all down just yet, but to play it for Inuyasha means to practice more, which I like.

I end the song and place the violin in my lap, awaiting his answer as the clock behind me ticks away. He just stares at me with this apprehensive look adorning his face and I get a bit anxious. He snaps out of it quickly and gave me the warmest smile one could ever give to someone. He tells me he really felt something from that song, from how I played it, and that really struck me deep. I chewed on the corner of my lip in fear of it wobbling as I feel the tears in my eyes threatening to escape. I haven't felt this way since my teachers when I graduated middle school. I pull him forward and give him a bone-crushing hug, one he didn't even protest about, and accepted the embrace with open arms.

After that day, I think back to where I am now. Inuyasha and I are the best of friends, him being my first ever friend, which I cherish. We have become fastened at the hip, going nowhere without the other. Except, this semester, we have not one class together. Which has put my mood down considerably, knowing that I'll only see him during lunch and after school. Today is a new day, and I grip the handle to my violin case as I enter my English classroom. An aroma, not one that I've smelled before, instantly smacks my face, blinding me when I walked past the teacher's desk towards an empty desk in the far left of the classroom.

I could feel the teacher's gaze on me when I sat down, when I began pulling my things from my bag to situate my desk. It annoyed me beyond belief, and I wanted to and was about to tell him off when he stood up and cleared his throat.

"Students, welcome. I am Professor Naraku, and I will be your English teacher this semester." I tuned him out as he began to drone on and on about what was to come and everything about the class.

Soon enough, the class ended and I was blinking my way out of my stupor. I quickly pack my belongings and hoist my violin case up onto my desk, snapping the teacher out of his daze from staring at the paper he held in his hand.

"You play?"

I lifted my head towards the voice and raised an eyebrow, narrowing my eyes slightly.

"Yes, I do." I said abruptly, slinging my bag over my shoulder and headed to the door.

"You're the only one in this school that plays, you know."

That stopped me. I put a hand up to the door to push it open and wet my lips, shrugging a shoulder. I wonder why that statement bothered me enough to make me stop. "I do not care. I will see you tomorrow, professor."

I headed out into the hallway to meet with Inuyasha and I saw another person with him. She was fairly attractive, if one could find the overly happy and extremely bubbly type to be attractive. I do not. Her type gives me headaches to the extreme.

"Hey, Kikyo," Inuyasha greeted me, pulling me into a side hug that we've accustomed to doing each day since we met. "This is Kagome, she's in my Engineering class. I thought it'd be nice for her to hang out with us since it's her first day here. She transferred."

The girl waved at me, trying to mask her enthusiasm behind a simple, shy smile. It was not working for me, and I just gave a curt nod of my head.

"It's nice to meet you. Inuyasha, let's head to the lunch area, shall we?" I left them quickly, knowing they, or rather Inuyasha, would catch up quickly. Why he decided to bring her along was beyond my control, but it bothered me nonetheless. I clasped a hand around my left wrist, the once I cut so long ago. It ached and I grimaced, gritting my teeth as I turned around to face the others following my trail.

"Inuyasha, I must excuse myself. I forgot I had other things to do during lunch."

"Don't worry about it. We'll see each other tomorrow."

I don't know which one hurt me the most; the way he abruptly ended the conversation, or the way he turned back around with that woman, Kagome was her name?, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder like it was no big deal. I clenched my hands into fists and stomped out of the building, hailing a cab and going straight to my house to cool my thoughts.

Once inside, I dropped back onto my bed and rubbed my hands over my face. The way Inuyasha acted today was strange, and it hurt, too much in fact. He never acted that way, yet now that he met that woman, it's as if he's not Inuyasha anymore, and that's what upsets me. I lifted myself from my bed and went for the bathroom where I kept my razors but stopped myself. I pinched the bridge of my nose and let a heavy breath escape my lips. Calm… Calm…

I subconsciously grabbed for my violin and lifted the bow to the strings when my thoughts went back to what my teacher said earlier.

" _You're the only one in this school that plays, you know."_

It was strange, to be quite honest, and I just now realize why that had made me stop when he told me that. I've researched into this school long enough to know that violins aren't allowed here. At all. Which astonishes me since I was accepted here without a second thought.

Though, the way he said that got me thinking more as I absentmindedly began to play a song at random. He sounded bewildered, and a hint of anger played in his voice. The look of betrayal also crossed his expression that I caught and that was another thing that surprised me. Why did he change so? What caused it? Surely it wasn't me since I hardly knew him, and that was my first day in the class.

All this thinking has made me utterly upset and exhausted. I think I'll sleep off my thoughts and maybe talk to Inuyasha tomorrow about what happened earlier, and maybe find out why the professor acted in such a way.

 _Two cuts._


	2. Chapter 2

All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi, I just wrote the story. Hope you enjoy, and reviews are greatly appreciated. Mentions of abuse and self harm in this chapter, please be aware.

* * *

I heard shouting when I first awakened. The sounds bursting into my room, jolting me from my slumber as I slowly sat up, blinking away the crust that formed at the corners of my eyes. I played the violin last night, why did I cry whilst I slept?

The raging voice clearly being heard from downstairs was my step dad. Why was he so furious this morning, and what caused such a disturbance? I exited my room as quietly as I possibly could, dreading if I was found out by him. I stood by the ledge and hesitantly peered over, straining my ear to better listen in.

"She's almost 21, Miriam! I don't want her here a moment longer, dammit. I want her gone by tomorrow."

"Surely you don't mean that. She's still in college. . . doing her hardest to finish classes. . . Will leave when she's done with this semester. . ."

I sigh and comb my fingers through my tangled mess of hair, trudging back into my little safe house. I sat down on the bed and curled up on it, squeezing my eyes shut as the temptations of the razor beckoned to me. I sigh once more.

Things such as what happened a few moments ago happened frequently around my house. It's occurred since I turned 18, with my step dad yelling in my face that he was going to "kick my ass out onto the street." I've been there, done that. He hasn't done it yet, however, which I'm most thankful for since I have absolutely no place to go.

I flinch as I hear something smash against a wall, it shattering as my mother screamed back at him to stop throwing things. I pick myself up and went to the bathroom, a hand shakily reaching for the drawer where I kept my razors. No one would know, and no one will. Such pain only passes when I am at ease, and doing such will help block everything out around me. I smile.

 _Three cuts._

I sat on the stage in the center of the music room, focusing my attention on my violin that I held to my neck. No one else was here, it was break, and I heaved a sigh and let my eyes slip shut. I counted my breaths- _1… 2… 3… 4…-_ before setting the bow softly against the strings and began to play.

Once again, I seemed to have lost myself in the music, for when I opened my eyes, I spotted Inuyasha sitting amongst one of the many fold up chairs in the middle of the room. I nod at him when he stood up and packed up my violin.

"You doing alright, Kikyo?" He asked softly, pushing himself up onto the stage next to me.

"As fine as I'll ever be. Why?"

"These past few days haven't favored you in the slightest. Is it family trouble again?"

Oh, I had almost forgot. Inuyasha knows most of what goes on in my house, albeit he does not know about the abuse.

"Yes, actually. My stepdad has been upset for a few days now, and I've tried to keep away, knowing it'll only stir up more anger from him if we crossed paths."

He caught the slight change in my expression and pulled me close in a warm hug, rubbing my arm slowly as he spoke.

"You know, if anything bad happens, which I hope it doesn't-" he knocked on the wooden floor beneath us for good measure. "You are always welcome to stay at my place."

"Thank you, Inuyasha, really. I appreciate it." I smile before sliding off the stage. "We should head back, shouldn't we? I don't want to miss English."

* * *

She is very peculiar, I must say. How she holds her violin case so close to her, how she grasps her left wrist and tugs on the sleeve whenever she is nervous or upset. I've come to know these small things about her, from the time she's been in my class. I don't know what it is about her that attracts me, but every now and then I catch a faint whiff of sadness enveloping her, and I wonder why.

 _Do you wish to find out?_

No, no… Not at all.

 _Then why do you care? Cease thinking about her at once._

She does not interest me in the slightest. I just wish to know what it is that causes her such misery and pain.

 _Foolish. Such mockery. You are only belittling yourself when you think about her. You are more than that wench._

I do suppose you're right, but I wonder…

* * *

The nights are rough, and my razors are too far away for me to reach them. I'm lying on my side in the dining room table, struggling to breath as I wince with every small intake of air. Bastard, I think to myself as I lay suffering. He couldn't even finish the job.

I struggle to my feet, coughing up a small amount of blood. I scowl at it, and doing so made me even angrier, knowing that I was too weak at the moment to fight even him back. I stumble in the dark towards the stairs and grip the handrail tightly and ascended, feeling tears prick my eyes. It hurt, with every step I took, the pain came back tenfold. I wouldn't be surprised if he somehow broke a rib, let alone fractured or broke anything else on my body.

Tonight's beating came back to hit me like a bulldozer, and I wasn't expecting it at all since the last time he fully beat me was when I was 18. I close my bedroom door behind me and lock it, clenching my jaw. I wanted to scream so bad, to let the whole world know what he did to me just then. But I couldn't. I was weak then, and weaker now with each passing moment.

I didn't care of any thought that passed through my mind; the razor within my reach and I grabbed it tightly. It sunk into the palm of my hand slightly, and I watched, mesmerized by the sight of my blood against cold metal. I laugh silently at my pain, and felt tears slip past my eyes and down my cheeks, creating little wet lines. The blade pressed into the skin of my wrist and I rejoice in the feeling.

 _Four._

 _Five cuts._

 _Six cuts._

 _Seven cuts._

 _More._

Morning soon came, as did the return of my massive headache from the night before. It was Friday, the day of my exam in English class. I rubbed my eyes with my good hand and glanced down at the mess I made on my wrists.

Dried blood caked my wrists and the palm of my hand, but not a single drop of blood hit my sheets. That must mean I cleaned up somewhat, even though I don't remember. I stand from my bed and shiver at the cold gust of wind from my open window I forgot to shut yesterday. At least it was cold, and turtlenecks are my favorite things to wear.

Inuyasha met up with me at the base of the school steps that morning, holding a cup of hot chocolate in his hand. Kagome was with him, and I seemed to not mind at all when I reached them.

"Hello, Inuyasha. Kagome." I smiled at both, gratefully drinking my cocoa.

"Hey, where were you last night? I tried calling you and it went straight to voicemail."

Hm, did he? I must have missed it. Being beaten almost half the night sure does something to your mental health.

"I must've fell asleep early, I was plenty tired. I'm sorry. May we reschedule?" I ask, following the two inside the warm building. English was my only class for today, since I had an exam in it. The rest was useless and Inuyasha and I planned to head to his house afterwards for a movie marathon.

"Sure thing, my bell flower. Just call me when you're finished with your exam and we'll meet up, kay?" I nodded at his request and went to go find my classroom, eager to get this day over with.

I enter the room silently, only a few others taking the test early. I met the teachers eyes and nod at him in acknowledgment before sitting down to start the test.

It was gruesome, but I believe I passed with a good enough grade for my liking. Everyone else already left, and I was about to leave when the Professor stopped me.

"Ms. Kikyo? May I have a word with you?"

"Um, sure. What about?" I lean back against my desk and readjusted my grip on the violin case. That seemed to catch his attention and he quirked an eyebrow.

"Are you joining the band at all? I heard that they need a new member, preferably someone who plays the violin such as yourself." He smiled at her, but it never reached his eyes. He wasn't interested in having this conversation with her, she could tell. All he was interested in was what she was wearing, if she was seeing correctly.

"Yes, I fully intend on joining them. May I be excused?"

"Just one more thing." He stood up then, making his way around the desk to stand before her, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

"I insist you play for me once. I would like to hear how you play."

I was startled at his forwardness and blinked, rubbing my left wrist as it suddenly began to ache. "I…" I was at a loss for words, no one else wanting to hear me play besides Inuyasha. "Alright. We can set up a date later. I must be going now. Goodbye, Professor Naraku."

"Just Naraku, if you please." He smiled once more down at me and escorted me to the door. I didn't fail to realize his hand was on my lower back but to my surprise, I never made a move to tell him to take his hand away. I waved goodbye and turned to head towards the meeting spot outside the building, deep in thought.

Hm. I wonder why he was suddenly so interested in me. Surely he is only my teacher, and I his student. What could possibly happen?


	3. Chapter 3

All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi, I only wrote the story. Hope you enjoy, and reviews are greatly appreciated.

* * *

I could feel the presence of someone's eyes on me, making me feel nervous when I walked through the door of the empty room. It was his, of course, but it still bothered me on how he was so _intently_ watching me, like I was some sort of prey and he was the predator.

I sat down at the desk in front of Naraku's and set my violin case upon the surface, letting out an airy breath.

He smiled knowingly at me and gave a curt nod of his head.

"How are you this evening, Kikyo?" He sat up straighter at his desk, folding his arms over the top as he leaned forward.

"Tired, for the most part, but doing well, thank you. And yourself?" I said back, moving to take out my violin to wipe the surface clean of dust before I played for him.

"I'm alright. I just have to grade papers after this." He shrugged nonchalantly, watching my every move. "What are you playing for me today?

"You'll see. Stop being so impatient." I cracked a small smile at the widening of his eyes. I placed the violin against my neck and paced myself- _1… 2… 3… 4…-_ before beginning.

I like to keep my eyes closed during my performances, to keep myself from getting embarrassed I had no idea what Naraku's reactions were, or were going to be, and I was kind of anxious to find out.

I finished the last note and opened my eyes, looking over at Naraku for approval and bit my lip.

"How was it?" I asked hesitantly, furrowing my eyebrows.

"It…" He cleared his throat, a frown crossing his features before returning to a simple smile. "It was beyond amazing. You play extremely well, I can see why you picked this school."

I beam at the compliment and became full of glee, chanting " _Nice going, nice going!"_ in my head. I packed up my violin and bowed to Naraku, a bit of respect does go a long way after all.

"Thank you so much, Professor. That means so much to me." I bid him a farewell and failed to notice the heavy glare at my back when I left the room.

* * *

She's too good. Far too good for my liking. I want her gone.

 _Now you agree with me? I don't see why you even agreed to have her play for you, it was a waste of our time._

I need to do something to get rid of her. Something she'll never be expecting.

 _You already kicked out the majority of the violinists here at this school for the past 5 years. The rest dropped out because of your influence. How do you expect her to suddenly drop everything just to listen to you? I can tell she's a fighter, and_ _ **will**_ _put up a fight._

If she does, so be it. She belongs with all the other violinists that left this school. Gone and never remembered.

 _You just don't want me gone, do you?_

Not in the slightest. You are most entertaining at times with comments that aren't necessary.

 _As you say. We will figure out a way to make her leave at once._

Already thinking of one.

* * *

They weren't home. Happiness spread throughout my body when I entered the house, first noticing the car wasn't in the driveway, then because it was absolutely silent I'm the house.

I made myself something small to eat, not feeling all that hungry. I headed up the stairs to my room and closed the door behind me, sitting down on the floor and leaned back against my bed. I ate silently, thoughts overriding my mind.

 _Why was Naraku acting so differently today?_

 _Why did I even agree to such a thing?_

 _Why hasn't Inuyasha called me yet?_

I close my eyes and bit down on my lower lip, worrying it between my teeth. My wrist began to hurt and I gripped it softly, tugging at the sleeve of my turtleneck. One thought kept coming back to me over and over and it made me want to scream at it to go away.

 _Why is Naraku having such an effect on me?_

Sure, he was handsome. Sure, he was a teacher and had his priorities in check. And I was a measly student attending for maybe one more year before getting my ass kicked out on the streets.

It just doesn't seem like he cares, which is to be expected since he hardly knows me and I him. I don't even know why I am so fond of him, his looks, his intelligence. It makes me feel weak, just like before. And I hate it.

I toss a pillow at the wall across from me in anger and watch the empty glass from my nightstand tumble over.

I shouldn't care. I really shouldn't. It's doing nothing good for me in the long run and I'm better off by myself, excluding Inuyasha. I guess it's safe to say I hate myself even more than I did when I first arrived at this school.

I crawl up to my bed and laid down, flat on my stomach, my head buried deep within the confinements of my pillow as it constricted my breathing just slightly. Peace and serenity enveloped me after what seemed like eternity and I let myself go, into the wonders of sleep forgetfulness.

Many days pass. Days turn into months and soon it's time for the band's first small concert. I, of course, am in it, being the only violinist in the school. I have my very own solo and everything, but that doesn't cure my nervousness at all. Maybe if Inuyasha was in the crowd, a familiar face amongst a cluster of nobodies, then I'd be able to calm myself and get through this.

But he wasn't.

And neither was Kagome.

I was upset, yes, since they gave me their word a couple days ago that they'd _surely_ make it and was _excited_ about it. I shake my head and grab at my wrist, pulling a little on my sleeve to ease my thoughts. One face did catch my attention, however, and stood out completely from everyone else.

Naraku.

Now why is he here?

* * *

She looks magnificent up there, don't you agree?

 _Quite. But do remember that we are not here to ogle at her, like you seem to think we are. Pay attention and go find the head director of the band._

Not yet. Just look at her, will you? Why does she seem so agitated all of a sudden, when she wasn't a few hours ago?

 _And you care… Why? Why does this insufferable woman make such a difference whenever we are near, hm? Is it not you who said she needed to leave immediately?_

I am allowed to watch her play every once in awhile-

 _Is it not_ _ **you**_ _who gets so emotionally involved with your students,_ _ **especially**_ _violinists, that you think it necessary to make them all disappear as if that's going to get rid of them for good?_

That is a low blow. Shut up, they're starting.

 _It is only going to betray you in the long run, Naraku. Stop while you're ahead, or she will be consumed by your greediness._

* * *

The entire time, his eyes were watching. And it was at the moment in time when I realized, I did not care. Not one bit. It felt soothing, relaxing, knowing that someone whom I admired for a while was gazing at me with such ferocity that it excited me.

I exited the room after most everyone left and I bumped into someone as I did. I made an "oof" sound when I stumbled back and I quickly glanced up to see none other than Naraku.

"Good evening, Kikyo. Might I have a word with you in my classroom? It'll be but a moment, I assure you."

I stared at him, blinking rapidly, confused all the same. But I agreed, and he led me away. It came to my attention also that no one else was on campus but the two of us, and that made my heart jump start to my throat.

"What is it that you needed to speak to me about, sir?" I ask softly, sitting down on one of the chairs in front of his desk, crossing a leg over the other. He sat down next to me and leaned his head on his hand.

"I just wanted to congratulate you on your wonderful performance tonight. You exceeded far beyond what I expected, and with that I'm baffled yet elated all the same."

* * *

 _Yes, good. Make her feel welcome, welcome enough that she'll feel safe and secure around you._

 _Cherish her, then expose her vulnerability at the very last second._

* * *

Words had no meaning to me at that point, all I was focusing on was how to control my breathing. My cheeks were flushed madly, my eyes darting every which way to not be caught in Naraku's intense gaze.

"I'm flattered, really. Thank you so much, you have no idea how much that means to me." I smile, rubbing my left wrist slowly, casting my eyes downward.

"No need to thank me, my dear." His sultry voice blew into my ear and I shuddered, wetting my lips out of habit. I could feel him moving his chair closer, and - _oh my word, why is his hand on my thigh? ?-_

My breathing sped up slightly and I swallow, looking up out of my will when he called my name.

"Kikyo."

I shake.

"Has anyone told you that you look absolutely stunning tonight?"

No, not ever.

"That your eyes reflect someone that is in pain and misery yet all the same intoxicated with the music you make."

Please, stop. What are you trying to do?

"I wish to share that pain with you. Suffer with me, Kikyo."

I try to stand up but my legs wouldn't let me, his hand having a vice like grip on my upper thigh. My stomach churning, my breath quivering, I plead silently for him to let me go. He wouldn't. He can't hear me. My voice failed me right at this crucial moment. I failed myself.

His breath ghosted over my cheek and I squeeze my eyes shut, digging my nails into my wrist, hoping that'll take away whatever it is that Naraku is trying to do. His lips found purchase on my ear and he took the earlobe into his mouth, all while whispering,

"You're mine, Kikyo."

I scream.


	4. Chapter 4

All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi, I only wrote the fanfic. Heavy mentions of **abuse, self-harm, and blood**. You are warned. Reviews are greatly appreciated.

* * *

It's dark.

 _Now why is it dark?_

Where… Where am I? I-I thought I was at the school…

 _Dark… I'm scared of the dark… Why can't I see anything?!_

* * *

I gasp loudly and sit up, my arms moving out in front of me to shield me from what I thought was there. But there wasn't. Nothing was.

I glance around my room and feel the sweat _drip drip drip_ down my back like I had been running a mile. I bring my knees up to my chest and hug them, a hard sob escaping my body.

 _Thank god it was only a dream. That can't happen again…_

I shudder and pull the blankets over my head and try to collect my thoughts. The concert did happen, I remember that, and so did talking with Naraku afterwards. But then I left right after, and immediately went to bed. And then the dream. That horrid dream where… where _that_ almost happened and…

I throw the sheets off me and scramble over to the bathroom door, throwing it open and almost falling on my face in the process. A quick glance at the mirror indicates that I looked like a right mess as I yank the drawer with the razor in it open.

 _A few more added to the collection shouldn't hurt._

Anything, _**anything,**_ to get rid of that dream will suffice. I feel myself began to cry all over again as I cut myself, the pain I wished I could feel never reaching me. Why do I have such a high tolerance for pain, for christs sake.

"Why…?" I whisper to nothing, sliding down to the floor, propping my head up against the wall. The trickle of blood brings me back from my thoughts and I casually gaze down at it; the river of blood cascading down my hand, painting it the brightest red you'll ever see.

What a nice way to start the day.

* * *

Inuyasha meets me at the foot of the staircase in the front of the school, the look on his face saying everything for me as I approached him.

"Kikyo." He said sternly. He said nothing more and I understood almost right away. I swallow hesitantly and lift my sleeves for him to see.

He cringed slightly and sighed, lifting his hands to cup my own.

"Kikyo… Why? You promised me."

"I know, Inuyasha, I know…" I mutter, gritting my teeth slightly. "I had to, you wouldn't understand."

"Of course I would. We've been friends for, what, almost a year now? I know more than any of your other friends did and you know it."

That was true.

"Alright, just, please tone it down. I don't want anyone else knowing about what I do, okay?"

He nodded and pulled me off to the side more, away from everyone else. He sat down next to me on the grass and pulled me into a side hug, rubbing my arm slowly as he listened to me.

"It started from yesterday. I went to the concert, talked with Professor Naraku after, and left. But- but the dream… Oh the dream was horrible. H-he was in it, tried to… to… and I wanted to scream so badly but it felt like I was choking."

"Did he-?"

"No, no, thank god… It was only a dream, and nothing happened. I'm glad nothing happened. It just spooked me and… I went a little overboard this morning."

Inuyasha said nothing more and pulled me even closer to him, kissing the side of my head.

"If anything like that _ever_ happens, you tell me, alright? I'll put anyone in their graves faster than you can dial my number." He gave my arm a squeeze, and I knew I could count on him.

I laugh softly and pull myself up from the grass. "Thank you, really. I don't know what I'd do without you."

* * *

His eyes are on me again. Oh what I would give to tell him off in front of the class and embarrass him. I sat down and pull out my essay that was due and presented it to him as he walked around to collect it.

Our eyes met and I blinked, then narrowed them as I thought back to the dream. Why I let the dream haunt me and deface the man who complimented me on my violin skills is beyond me.

He explains the test we have to take and then the speech later as I tune him out for what seems like the billionth time. I hate this class, simple as that. And Naraku isn't doing justice for it at all. I dig my nails into the surface of the desk and stare out the window, biting my tongue.

Why, _why,_ do I admire a man such as yourself?

* * *

 _She seems upset._

Everyone could see that.

 _What do you think made her upset? Us, perhaps?_

I doubt it was us. For one, we did nothing at all to her. Second, we haven't seen her since yesterday evening and she seemed pretty happy. Anything could've happened.

 _Hn. She didn't bring her violin with her today. Is she not going to play for us like we planned?_

Oh, I suppose not. I hadn't even noticed.

* * *

As the students were filing out of the classroom, I can feel Naraku's presence near and I sit up straight, grabbing my bag from the floor. I dozed off a bit and wasn't even aware class had ended. Oops.

"Miss Kikyo?" I hear him ask softly, leaning against his desk.

"Hm, yes, what?" I mumble, stifling a yawn as I shrugged on my backpack.

"Are you not playing the violin for us- I mean _me-_ today?"

I must've been extremely tired, since I didn't catch the slip up.

"Oh, you know, not today. I forgot my violin at home and don't really feel up for it. Can we reschedule?" I rub my eyes, walking blindly to the door.

I stopped once I reached it and looked back at him, my eyes widening slightly. The look on his face terrified me, the way he was intently staring at the floor. It looked like he wanted to strangle something within five feet of him.

"Professor?"

And then he snapped out of it, just like that, and returned to normal. He shook his head and combed his fingers through his long, black, silky locks. _I want to run my fingers through his hair sometime, just to know how it feels._

"I'm fine. Next week, same time. Don't forget, or I'll be upset."

I hesitate before taking my leave, his somewhat threat bearing down on my chest. Why did his mood change so drastically? It kind of freaked me out. _And why am I letting it bother me so much?_

Screaming sounds just dandy right about now.

I finally find Inuyasha hanging out with Kagome at one of the lunch tables and I go up behind him to hug him.

"Thank you for earlier, again. It helped me a lot." Which it did, otherwise I would've probably missed lunch and have been in the bathroom eating and crying my feelings.

Kagome eyed me dangerously and I roll my eyes before standing back up, Inuyasha not noticing the exchange between us. But Kagome probably hinted at it wrong and I won't blame her, since I would've acted the same if I didn't know what exactly happened.

"It's no problem, Kikyo. You're my friend and I'm here for you."

At least one person is.

* * *

They're upset, I can feel it. They're angry and at me more than likely and I want to punch something.

They found my razors.

And they're yelling. Oh god please stop the yelling. Please please pl _ease please please._

I shrink into myself on the couch; my father screaming threats at me and my mother shoving my sleeves back to take a gander at my wrists. And then she freaks out all over again.

I try to defend myself, starting to say that I need it to cope, when _slap._

He.

He hit me.

I stumble back and my hand flies up to my cheek, the pain making it feel like my jaw had unhinged. With a hit like that, I wouldn't be surprised.

Oh, my nose is also bleeding. Nice going, dad.

He shouts again, _We do everything in our power to keep you healthy and alive and you do this?!_ and hits me once more.

She doesn't help. The look of betrayal is written clear on her face.

He grabs my wrist, digging his thumb deep into it, into where the deepest cut is and I cry out in pain.

" _Isn't this what you wanted?_ _ **Huh?**_ _Pain, right? Well, I'll show you the true definition of pain."_

I honestly don't feel anything after that. Maybe my body had shut down, maybe I passed out, or maybe I just didn't care enough to feel what he was giving to me.

Morning couldn't come fast enough.

* * *

I wake up sore and bruised all over. My legs did not want to move, my eyes not wanting to open, and my wrists.

 _Good god._

My wrists. Why do they feel like they've been cut off?

I force myself to crack my eyes open and I whimper at the bright light flooding my vision. Pain erupted everywhere, every limb I moved, and crying wouldn't stop it, so I paid no mind to the frog in my throat. I sit up, taking all of five minutes, and sighed in relief. The blankets weren't on me, and if they were, I knew for a fact that I would have never been able to take them off.

Bruises were scattered everywhere, dried blood on my legs. I lower my eyes to my wrists and wince outright, a strangled noise coming from my throat.

More cuts, more than I've ever put on my body, littered my arm. Dried blood everywhere, a lot more than my legs, and I let out a shaky breath. There were some shallow cuts and very deep cuts, deeper than I would've ever done, yet none of them touched an artery. Maybe he didn't want me dead after all.

When I try to push myself from my bed, excruciating pain enveloped me and I snatch my hand up from the bed. I don't even want to look, don't even know how I missed it, yet I look down anyways, tears filling my eyes.

My fingers all seemed broken, from what it looked like, but only on my right hand. Dark bruises lined where my fingers bend, and they were all bent oddly. He would do this, to make sure I wouldn't touch a razor ever again. Well.

The jokes on him.

Maybe I'll end this sooner than I had hoped.


End file.
